Attention Go-Kart Attendants: Fuck off.

Batting Cages

Allegedly closed, but we definitely saw people hitting in there. Tried to bribe the customer sales associate with 'my friend george washington' but she either was too stupid or too morally upright to accept (feel free to decide for yourself which is more likely).

Pizza

The signs outside the establishment promised us an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet. Being poor college students, we were perenially a few weeks behind w/rt our carolie intake, so naturally we were looking forward to the, and we quote, "unlimited" amount of pizza that would soon be available to us (in fulfillment of the establishment's contractual obligation, no less) so that we could fill our malnourished bellies.

Surprise! The pizza was all gone and the kitchen was deserted. Not only was there no pizza, there wasn't even anyone to explain why there was no pizza. In fact, the only person in the serving area was some Mexican cleaning lady who was (unfortunately) useless to us because of certain communication/culture/language barriers that neither party was willing to cross.

Mini Golf

Totally lame. Let me start by pointing out that golf is usually scored in the "n over/under par" format, where n is some small integer. As it turned out, this course was so difficult that my score, and those of my compatriots, was more easily scored in the "n times par" format. The only cool part was when my friend found an embankment that was concealed from the rest of the course, so we didn't have to walk all the way inside to take a leak.

Go-Karts: Advanced course

First we went on the big kid's course. I fucked Sean up on the first lap and beat J on the inside curve after about 3 or 4. Ignored the lame-ass attendant who kept blowing the whistle at me whenever I passed. Apparently he was mad that I was ramming people on purpose, go figure. When we pulled in and started to get out of the cars he told everybody they could go, but told me to sit back down. I left anyway, the calls of 'dude, come back' and 'hey dude, come here' dwindling to nothing as the attendant realized I wasn't, in fact, coming back.

Go-Karts: Beginner course

Dodged the asshole attendant and got on. Crappier than the adult's course because the karts were slower. I basically fucked around the whole time, taunting people to pass me and then creaming them. This was against the rules too (!) so when we pulled in the other attendant kid came up to me and put on a real solemn face and told me I was banned for the evening.

Summary

The batting cages were closed. The pizza was gone and the kitchen deserted. The mini-golf was lame. And to top it all off... I got banned from both go-kart tracks.

Highlight of the evening... meeting the little kid in line for the Rock Climb.

Me (drunk): Where do you go to school?
Kid: I'm in 3rd grade!
Me: Wow.
Kid: I know you're not an adult because you use so many bad words!

All content copyleft (C) Daniel A. Thompson. Take Out The Trash, Inc.